Your Existence and Presence Matters
First of, who so ever made it a rule that you have to be solely responsible for relieving someone of their pain, discomfort, misery and/or hurt. Recognizing that someone or a situation needs help, adequately shows your care and your willingness to support.
You extend the support that you know and you are willing to share. Then, connecting them to other right support system is what you could do, for further help.
However, there is a possibility that you are not in a position to arrange or share the support information. Then you need not get worked up on what you have not been able to do.
You become aware of someone’s painful situation or of a painful situation. You have every right to avoid/move away from them/that because you can’t handle their pain. You can only give what you have. If you don’t have the ‘bearability’ of the situation, you cannot support any other person. This is very fair on your part. You need not feel guilty about anything.
However, please remember that your pain or discomfort cannot be greater than one who is actually in the situation.
So, maybe, just maybe, you could, if and when you are ready, choose to give yourself the option to go past your discomfort and be there to soothe this person’s pain, just by your presence in their space.
It might just be the motivation that they need.
This gesture of yours could also be an example that will be followed by that person or others to make a same/similar contribution in someone else’s life.
Something to ponder over is, ‘if everyone, starts avoiding anyone that is in pain or discomfort then it may lead to a world of avoidance.’
Having said that, if it is still not possible for you to face the pain and if it’s too much for you then please don’t be hard on yourself, you can send good feelings and pray/wish/affirm for the person or situation for their welfare.
Why do you get affected by someone else’s situation(s)?
The main reason for that is, you start analysing, visualizing how you would handle had you been in that situation. Based on what you believe your abilities are to handle the situation, you get into ‘fight and flight’ response. You create a movie in your mind of the situation. You decide how you can or cannot handle the situation. Your present reaction is based on the end of the movie you have made in your mind. You are so stressed that you decide it is too much for you and you allow resistance of all kinds to crop up. You are relieved and glad that you are not in that situation. Ultimately you make a choice at that point to run or avoid or wait till the situation passes.
Another reason for hesitating to participate in such situations could be your concern about attracting similar situations in your life, based on your past experiences or based on observations of other’s lives. You have worked on creating a life and you don’t want to risk going back. You need not scare yourself imagining all that.
You can stop this by affirming, ‘I am not attracting that’ also LH affirmation ‘All is well, everything is working out for my highest good, and out of this only good will come of all involved, we are safe.’
Calm yourself down and then make a rational decision whether to and/or how to support the other person/situation. If you do decide to go through and support and fearful feeling or the stress surfaces again then, you could decide to stop or say the above affirmation plus ‘May right help and support come to me and ‘this person/situation’, we all are safe.’
Thank you for attempting to help. Your presence and existence is enough.
Reena Yadav, IADLife
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