Dependency is a good thing, choose the right people to be dependant on
“GOOD dependency is one with the RIGHT people”
Dependency or dependants are terms that resonate responsibility.
Either you are to take responsibility or you are to be someone’s responsibility.
Based on your past experiences, if you have not received support lovingly and/or if asking for support was made difficult for you and/or if you have observed suffering and the anguish of others of asking and receiving support then, you will avoid, be-little and/or dread ‘dependency’.
Dependency is for money, love, care, material things, opportunities, information, acknowledgement, guidance. Fact is we all are always going to be dependent on someone or the other for something or the other.
When an aversion is developed for dependency or dependants then that becomes your resistance to ‘receive’ easily. Because of this you are also blocking your receiving. Even in co-dependant relationships you will find it difficult to express your dependency and receive support respectfully. You will also not be giving support comfortably, lovingly and easily. That is because you are not receiving acknowledgment of your giving support to the dependants, as per your expectations. All this is because you don’t want to have to, do anything with dependency or dependants.
As a result you are just stopping yourself from experiences, exposure and thus expansion.
In the dependency/dependant life experiences, people abandon you and you may feel you are being left in a lurch or you may do that to people. Here you need to know that people participate according to their capacity to respond and according to your capacity to accept. And this applies to you too.
To get comfortable with the dependency you could customise how or how much and who you are dependent on. Similarly for your dependants you may decide how and how much they can be dependant on you.
For the non-optional ones who have chosen you to be dependent on like your children or some other connections , you need to make a choice. If you support them then make them your choice, here too decide on how or how much you can support.
Allow others to be dependant on you. Do that according to your expanded comfort zone but not if you are uncomfortable. Give yourself a chance to take the responsibility.
Dependency is only a form of sharing. Dependants are ones you share it with.
All of this only trains you be dependent on your self and thus makes you self reliant with self love and self respect.
Thank you and best regards
Reena Yadav, IADLife