You don’t need to be everyone’s unsolicited counsellor. Just be your own best advocate.
Has this happened to you?
You start something nice and new. You rush to share with the first person you want to seek approval from.
This is the person you look up to and think highly of.
The moment you have the first interaction with this person on this new and exciting idea or venture, the person shoots your enthusiasm down.
Then starts the convincing game.
Sure…But….Yeah….May be you are right…However….
‘Agreeing with the person because, that person’s opinion matters, but not agreeing because your deservability does not agree with the opinion.’
So you try ‘the convincing’ and when you don’t want to put in any more effort there you start speaking the ‘curbed enthusiasm’ language.
For example: ‘You are right, this probably isn’t a great idea.’ You start shortening your aim/goal. You even start to change them according to the approval level you are receiving. Your affirmation for self, alters according to the result of the convincing.
So what happened there? Why did you not support yourself?
You respect and possibly admire that person you were seeking approval from. Then why did that person’s comment curb your enthusiasm? When the approval level runs low in your own self then you seek approval from someone to who you are giving or willing to give approval easily. And of course, you do so, expecting the same in return.
‘But we are social beings, we need people to share right?’
Yes, indeed you do! You love sharing with one or few or many. In that case first, share and discuss with yourself. Be your best supporter on this planet.
Now go share.
When you are sharing with another person then, you could be grateful for the comments that you receive. This is because it is a reflection of your thoughts. If the comments are tough to handle or in a different direction than motivation and they are prickly then, it’s an indication and it originates from your ‘self-doubt’.
Let’s make the process fun and useful for you.
To have fun with this process either record the conversations or make notes. Afterward, look at your notes. This will amazingly tell you what all you need to prepare. Where do you need to put in more resources to succeed in the task or project or work.
“Allow people to come in your space. They are constantly giving you an idea of where you have reached and how far you need to go.”
However, keep the attention to yourself. Whatever you are doing, if you are preparing the pros and cons or advantages and disadvantages list, then make it with regards to yourself only. You convince yourself and your case is solid. You don’t need to defend yourself to anyone else. Most of the time the case becomes weak and your scale seems to tip more towards how others would react, comment, support and/or stop you.
If you could just know that the judge and jury are the same and it is the person the mirror when you are standing in front of it.
The ruling is in your favor when you favor yourself. See in this task what pleases you, how you are supporting yourself, what are your limiting comments to yourself, where is it that you need to be true to yourself.
Only your own support for yourself in all situations will get you right support from others in all situations. All the resources, ‘time, energy, money’ that you might have spent or have been thinking of spending on others could be channelized towards what you wish to do and for you.
Do try this.
Reena Yadav, IADLife
WhatsApp Number: +919886077034