Customize sharing INFORMATION
It’s not about pretending.
It’s about choosing what AND who you wish to share with.
To talk about your life’s situation, customizing information is very important. You can be realistic and detailed. And you can choose parts of the ‘life situation’ to highlight. You could also decide the description according to the audience you are mentioning to.
This is not lying. This is not pretending. This is not deceiving.
While you choose the version you wish to make available to certain someone. You could also choose these certain someone(s).
Choose who to vent out. Choose how to share. Choose how much to share.
A working lady was coming late to the office and many days she was leaving early. When her colleagues asked her about the same, she gave a reason. A few days later she was called for a meeting with the HR. The HR told her that some of her colleagues and seniors have mentioned that her timings at work were reflecting bias, as her reason for being late did not show any necessity for the late arrival and early departure from the office. These were her colleagues who were dutifully leaving home and punctually reaching office adhering to the office rules. When they did not hear what could convince them of the validity of the reason, they objected.
You don’t owe anyone any explanation of your life situation. If you are not ready or comfortable or don’t know how to share the information about your life situation, you may absolutely choose not to.
Please know this, sharing information is giving approval.
An important form of customizing is ‘no information’.
So if you are not shared information with, then you need to be comfortable with this as you are customizing your sharing too.
When you change your choice and you are ready to share, then this ‘customization’ of the information according to the ‘focussed’ group is suggested.
Sharing the customised information is useful in many ways. (a) You get the gossipmongers off your back and give your life situation your version that you wish for them to spread around (b) You can use this opportunity to collect blessings or advice. ‘I really wish things get better.’ ‘All the best.’ ‘I know a better way to get this done, you could meet my expert.’ (c) You could use this process to add affirmations in a description of the life situation. ‘Day by day it is getting better and better in every way.’ ‘Something good will come out of this.’
You invest so much energy in ‘keeping up appearances.’ This is in an effort to show what you think others want to see. Also, a version that will get you the approval you seek which could be to ‘let you be’.
Your time and effort go into conjuring a story that you don’t believe in, so your expressions give you away or your body language does not match the words coming out of your mouth.
Your life situations are yours. How, with whom and what about it, you choose to share is your choice. Give yourself that clarity. Recognise that right.
Once this understanding is clear and acceptable to you, use this to customise the information.
The lady in the above case study did not want to share with her colleagues that she was going through financial stress due to a medical emergency involving her spouse. She had taken up an extra morning tutoring job to pay for the extra bills. This situation at home was affecting her schedule. As and when there was an urgency she had to rush home.
She apologised to the colleagues through HR and stated her medical and financial situation. HR informed her that there is a personal loan scheme that she can avail and suggested she has a joint meeting with her superior and the HR to update and find out options for flexibility at work. To her colleagues, she met at the coffee lounge or cafeteria she mentioned about, how she can see her husband getting better and how her multi-tasking skills had heightened. She received well wishes and also some contacts for second opinions on medical advice.
Having given the freedom of customization of the information to yourself rather than facing the predicament of sharing the details or showing that everything is fine, you release the focus from what you understand, others wish to hear from you.
Your life situation, your version.
Affirm every moment on what you want from the life situation and let that be the information you share with who you wish to share.
Reena Yadav, IADLife
WhatsApp Number: +919886077034