Shame, is fear of rejection!
Shame, is fear of rejection!
What is it?
This is fear sourced inner instruction to curl up deep within oneself, in a place that is the safest place in your Universe. This is an attempt to keep oneself safe. This is an act of self-preservation.
The fear is that of rejection from oneself, anyone and/or anything else.
Why do you feel shame?
It is a defense mechanism.
It is an action based on words and/or actions of someone or something that you trust or trusted. Something could be a scripture or writing. This someone or something that got your attention, convinced you directly or by being an example. These words and/or actions of someone or something refrains you from dealing with or stops you from facing, the situation. This is a flight mode defense that is adapted by your brain/mind to keep you safe, from situations where you have been made to believe that, they are not safe for you.
To understand the situation on your own, whether they are safe or otherwise, you need to be in the situation for a moment or two longer to comprehend the safety nature of the situation. Please note, staying in the situation does not mean you have to stay in the same vibration.
When you are not in the situation you do not have the opportunity to comprehend and therefore not able to solve the situation.
The reason for the flight action is that the intensity is too high, it is of pain and/or pressure.
In addition to that the convincing that, ‘it is beyond your capacity to handle’, adds to the pain and/or pressure, specifically because it is a vicious circle of not being able to solve the situation and not being able to station yourself in the situation long enough to find/see the solution.
Shame, humiliation, embarrassment, what level impact do they have and why? How does it come into effect?
The impact is very deep. The reason for that is it is unsolved and the learning has not been completed. Every time you encounter a situation that is shameful, humiliating or embarrassing and you have not solved the situation, it gets buried a level deeper than before. The only part that remains on the surface is the memory. The depth of the impact is determined by the time duration that has passed since the encounter of the first unresolved incident that was the genesis of the understanding that something needs to be hidden or something from which you need to run. Another parameter that determines the depth of the impact is the number of times same or similar situations that have occurred and has gone unresolved.
How to recognise shame? How to get over it?
Notice what shames you. Notice what embarrasses you. Notice when you feel humiliated easily.
Now recall what were you shamed for/about? From the incidents connect to the actual reason.
Was the main reason based on ‘efficiency level’, ‘prestige’, ‘your existence based on your gender’.
The moment this aspect of shame is clear, the shame becomes a choice.
Now when you decide then ‘letting go’ shame becomes easy.
Why is shame in your Life? What is the purpose of the shame?
The purpose of the shame is to redirect your attention towards the larger purpose of yours, decided by you, through which you will change and/or enhance your life and ultimately life in/of the world.
Why does shame come as hurtful experience?
Shame is intense. It catches your attention. Even if you are only quietly reacting on the outside, the internal reaction is massive and loud.
A very publically discussed rape case, which shook the whole nation, had the same question attached. Why did this sad shameful incident happen? If one is attracting one’s life experiences, then why would one attract such life experiences? How can this be explained?
To understand something as intense and hurtful as that. First, calm yourself, please. Now know this, here this brave person had a larger purpose of ‘changing the world, in a way to make the world a safer place for women.’
When your purpose involves the willingness of others, it may not align with others plan. So sometimes the experience is hurtful.
Therefore, when you know and recognise the shame, first decide if you wish to keep it or let go. Along with that while you are still deciding, please remember to affirm to keep yourself safe.
You are important to this planet and only you can fulfill your life purpose.
Understand shame and move past it. Let it not be your reason for ‘not doing’ anything anymore.
Reena Yadav, IADLife
WhatsApp Number: +919886077034