It Is Wise To Reply To An Unpleasant Question With A Question Rather Than With A Defensive Answer.
It is wise to reply to an unpleasant question with a question rather than a defensive answer.
It must not be unheard of to getting pulled into others life situations. You try your best to move forward keeping yourself occupied and dealing with your life situations. Then there comes along a life situation of someone else. They talk about it with you as if you are already a part of it. Truth be told, you have no clue. While you are still finding a foothold in this one-sided discussion of which you are a reluctant participant, bam! comes a question for you. The whole thing has already let you off balance and you did not even realize it and you have a role to play in this. Running low on energy you gather whatever information you have and present it. But, the answer comes out as if you are unclear. You try to get out by stating about the present unavailability or by sharing about the social situation you are in or your schedule with a promise or an assurance to get back. Everything seems to be happening so fast and is getting so out of your control, that your questions that are coming your way appear to be darts that need to dodged. But there is no dodging or ducking, so you are left with one choice and that is spurt out a quick reply.
These quick replies are almost never satisfactory. You then tend to revisit the situation, with an attempt to defend your situation better, in order to make yourself better.
That will never help. Thinking and rethinking what has not worked only attracts similar situations. You also need to remember that these situations have the participation of other person/people. And you will never know what the conversation from the other side is going to be. As a result, yet again, before you know it, you are neck deep into this conversation and this now becomes your life situation.
Instead of reliving or revisiting an unpleasant conversation in your mind or attracting something similar to get a chance to solve it better, how about you think or act beyond the past behaviour.
If it has happened then, find out what information you do not know in that situation. So present a question reliving this situation in your mind. You will realise that only when you are in the present, of the situation that you can have any chance of getting any closer to the actual answer.
You understand now that you have been answering based on limited data provided to you. You need more ‘info’, for you to provide an informed reply.
So next time you become a part of the conversation of which you know little or nothing of, decide to go ahead with it, only when your next question is ready.
So when you become a part of…. He said ….she said….he did…she did … then, some of the questions that can support you while you come up with your apt questions are:
“Why are you saying that?” “Do I need to know more.” “Where are you?” “Are you ok?”
The question has to be for the purpose of gaining clarity. Try to keep the questions specific, rather than general like “What happened?” this will open up the whole box of single perspective data and could really take long.
It is advocated to communicate with all. But, the communication has to happen where you are in an energy level where you could contribute in a mutually beneficial manner. Anything other than that is not helping anyone.
Thank you and Best wishes
Reena Yadav, IADLife
WhatsApp Number: +919886077034