So, Let Yourself Listen And Let Others Speak.
When someone is not listening to you or stops you from talking, they are the ones who do not learn from you. Similarly, when you are talking to someone, and you are certain about your facts. You are passionate about the topic/ subject/ person. If you are certain about what you are saying, you need not be concerned about not being able to convince.
A meeting in a corporate had participants from various departments. There were points being discussed on varied topics. Decisions were to be made based on what was being discussed. One of the members was vociferous and was very impatient and was giving his opinion hastily. He showed obvious expressions of discontent when his opinion was not accepted as a final decision. To some, it was causing hesitation as they were not able to put forth their suggestion.
There is no breathing and thinking space between the points suggested and in decision making. Such hurried decisions seem to close the topics soon. Only for the doubts and follow up questions to crop up after the meeting is over.
Such aggressive way to put in the information may seem as if they are blocking information or open/free interaction for a person or people. However, the fact is that this kind of behaviour actually blocks the aggressive speaker’s growth. This person does not grow from this behaviour, does not learn. This person is depriving oneself of a constructive discussion, interaction and expanding one’s horizon in knowledge and thus keeping oneself from making an informed decision.
So why does a person do that? This is clearly not helping anybody or anything. Neither is it helping the person nor is it supporting others. It is also not beneficial nor is it contributing to finding solutions.
The person is behaving that way because the person has a past of rejections. When the person has had the past experience of having had to convince other people to every suggestion made. If the person had been convinced that the person is not qualified enough to contribute, the person has to struggle to make one’s presence and existence felt and noticed. This person has a tough time placing one’s opinion without a fight or argument. This person is completely resigned to recogning self-worth and is certain that anything associated with this person, requires a lot of proving.
A supportive point could be, what if the person is sure and is, therefore, stating with such intensity!
Do you think you are that person or do you encounter such a person?
If you are certain about what you know. And you need others participation. Then placing your information in their space is all you need to do. The passion exhibited can be for the faith in knowledge rather than the defense of the knowledge. The intensity in explaining can be directed towards convincing oneself, rather than in the form of reprimanding everyone who is in conversation with you.
Another form of such people is ‘reactants.’ If you are a leader you certainly are not interested in attracting ‘reactants’. These are the person/people who are constantly questioning your decisions and suggestions in the pretext of clarifying or contributing to a conversation while gaining knowledge on the topic. Their input does not help in your decision making. These add to resistance and lowers the vibrations of the whole purpose.
If you have such people in your space, you need to self-assess your self-confidence. This means you have self-doubt. Have confidence in the decisions you make.
Person/people who show doubt in your propositions, even if you have invited them for discussions, you can decide to respectfully and with confidence state what needs to be done and request for the reconvening of the meeting after the task/project has been done. Then explain with the example of the successful work done. You need not ask or expect for their approval, as you will not be getting it easily from them.
Listening is also a great way to learn and grow. When this happens in a group, the growth is in the group.
So, stop reacting first, listen first.
Reena Yadav, IADLife
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