Why Be A Bully When You Could Be Bossy
How to deal with a bully?
First, recognise them.
‘Bully incarnate.’ They look large, unhealthy and/or unhealthily large. They are physically aggressive. They are verbally loud and/or condescending.
There are obvious ones. They will always remind and prove to you that you are always less than what is required.
Then there are the ‘subtle and sly ones.’ These are the ones that give you a sense of superiority. They flatter you with words of praises. They scold you and they scream and convince you that you scold them. So you stop, whatever you think you were doing and even apologise.
Look closely, you are confused. The confusion is because you feel suffocated and stifled, because a) you were made angry b)you cannot express yourself c) you are being limited.
These kinds of bullies actually do that so that they can get away with their wrongdoings.
They create a form of addiction. They make you really comfortable and show their vulnerable side. When you get accustomed to their niceness or this kind of presence, they withdraw this niceness and/or presence as per their whim. And the anger and confusion strike unannounced.
These bullies have their schedule and they prance in your space showing comfort to your timings, but they exhibit a little patience and have their reasoning to their timetable. They are actually not lying. This is their honest way.
Bullies in common always want what is yours. Your things, your attention, your time, your approval. They are not good at reciprocating.
Truth. Bullies are bullied. They have a lack in their lives that has been created due to the deprivation of love, respect &/or things by their bully.
If you are a bully and you recognise that now and you wish to stop then you could choose 1) to change completely or b) transform gradually, to stop and to avoid running the risk of getting into guilt and getting reveng’ed’. The safest way is for you to switch from being a bully to being bossy.
If you have a bully and you wish to have that attribute out of your space then do the following::
* One thing you never do and that is play their game. They bring out the bully in you.
* All your routines and schedules and timetables have to be ‘self-focussed’. There could be initial refuting, defying, disapproving. But be true to your plan.
* You need to remember that they create an addiction. So you might want a part of them in your life. Kind suggestion, do not do that.
* Never be angry at them or because of them. As this only keeps their hurtful attribute(s) in your space longer and takes time and attention away from what you have decided to do.
* Always, always finish your schedule and tasks. You could alter the way you had decided to do that earlier. No postponing, delaying or canceling.
When you let go bullying, you make space for new support to enter your space. The right attribute will come in its place. Your task, work will be done as you desire.
You could also be doing the bully a favour of getting out of this vicious circle.
Another important aspect is you recognise the bully, so it is the characteristics within you. Convert it into being bossy.
Why is being bossy better than being a bully?
Bossy is considerate, kind and authoritative. Takes responsibility. Prefers to change, rather than to change you by harsh ways. Open to suggestions. Listens. Takes a decision based on what is best for everyone. Focuses on self-improvement and also on the growth of all. Is a winner and makes everyone a winner. Practices the preached. Walks the talk.
Don’t be the bully be bossy.
Reena Yadav, IADLife
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