Why mend relationship today? – Wednesday Why?
Case Study: Rajkumar wants to mend his relationship with his family member. Absentee family member with no common activity, lack of appreciation of achievements. He wants to re-connect with this family member. How to do that?
Recently the family member agreed to support R’s business idea, years after he had requested for it. ‘R’ saw it as a support coming too late. He did not think he cared about the fruition of his ideas as he himself had changed as a person and was, therefore, finding it difficult to accept the offer of help now.
‘R’ needs to know that he need not accept completely. He can negotiate. Completely accepting that offer is not possible as he himself pointed out that the ship has sailed. Also, there is anger from the past rejection which is now a blockage. What is advised at this point is to negotiate instead of completely letting go the offer. Form two plans one that is based on his present work experience and the other one that comes from his family member.
‘R’ could note that him changing as a person has come from the kind of exposure in travel, responsibilities, and experiences he has had from the various job opportunities he took up since his family member turned him down.
He had been postponing healing his relationship with his family member because he could still do it the next day. The reason for the postponement is that he did not see himself equipped to mend the relationship.
He recognised that something was holding him back as he did acknowledge that he had grown due to the opportunities he has had through those involvements. Something he could be grateful for.
Un-forgiveness is what was holding him back. This is holding back his relationship with the family member and his own future.
Following information about healing relationship with another person will help in getting started right away.
$ Whether the person is in front of you or away, you can still heal your relationship.
$ Hurt that you are carrying for the other person is of past.
$ Facing the person in the relationship is difficult because you try to transform according to the other person. Talk your language. Prepare yourself, have self-conversation what you wish to resolve with this person. Find out how mending this relationship is going to help you? Do your home work. If you have resistance towards doing the work then it is because you don’t trust you can do that, or if you do attempt you will fail or once you are done with the mending and healing then you do not know what to do with the habit of unforgiveness.
If you are willing to go past all this it is then that you will be able to take the step ahead towards healed relationship.
$ Write a letter to the person stating all that you wish to say that can lead to the enhancement of the relationship. The letter has to be blame free. The letter is for your eyes primarily, sharing it with the other person is optional.
$ Ask yourself do you love this other person. Ask yourself do you know what love is. Love is to stand by someone under all conditions, even when you see that person’s ways, thinking, behaviour and action are not aligning with yours. Also, note that you are asking for the same from the other person.
$ Another person can only contribute to your future not be responsible for it.
$ Under all conditions do not try to change the other person. You interact with your best version of self. Interact with love for the other person. Under all circumstances stand by yourself. Under all circumstance stand by the other person.
$ Keep trying. Results come will follow.
$ What you like or dislike in the other person is the reflection of you that you see in the other person. This is the most important exercise in healing a relationship.
(i) Make a list of 5 or more attribute / behaviour/ characteristic of the other person that you like
(ii) Make a list of 5 or more attribute / behaviour/ characteristic of the other person that you dislike or find hurtful or painful.
The list in (i) is all that you like about yourself. Having this common with the other person brings out adoration and thus brings you closer. The list in (ii) is what you dislike about yourself and wish to change. You could delayer and describe the points with incidents you have observed to see the familiarity within you.
The moment you acknowledge and have the willingness to change then you will notice the relationship equation with this other person change.
When you take action to change, then enhancement in the relationship expedites.
$ You need to actually understand what is it to allow people to be. Recognise and allow yourself to be you. Allow others to be themselves. This will create acceptance. Acceptance helps in forgiveness. Willingness to forgive paves way for recognising and acknowledging things to be grateful for in the relationship. This gives communication a boost.
Communication motivates you to heal your relationship today.
Next is wonderful creative interaction.
So heal and mend your relationship today.
Reena Yadav, IADLife
WhatsApp Number: +919886077034