Basic principle in communication is ‘where you want to talk do not stop yourself’, ‘where you do not wish to talk, do not force yourself.’
IADLife Blog: https://itsadeservinglife.wordpress.com/2017/08/27/talk-as-per-will/
Have you been convincing yourself that you are better off being a loner? Are you doing that because communication or conversation has become an unknown phenomenon for you?
You see the flow in communication when there is no resistance or blockage for it. Communication is an art and skill that requires to be developed with practice and knowledge. To develop this art you need to know and be clear about few things within/about you. Who are you answerable to and who are not answerable to. What are you interested in and what are you not interested in. Answers to these two contribute to your present form of communication. Who are you comfortable communicating and who seems overbearing for you to communicate. Be mindful that if your communication is an involuntary or forced action then you doing this will not promote or enhance your communication. Investigate it further, notice where your communication is easy and joyful. Where there are no blockages like anger or hesitation. Find out why is that. Is it informative and thus encouraging? Is this devoid of judgmental questions and so allows you feel confident and motivated to be a part of.
Do you switch off in group conversations? Do you find yourself at loss of topics to discuss? Then you could get clear about the fact that either you are not interested or you are not comfortable with the conversations that do not add to creativity. It only shows that you have a creative mind and you rather converse about what qualifies to contribute in that manner according to you.
Listening and answering a question is also a form of communication. When answering you could keep your answers short and share the information in the version of reality as you know it. If it is pointed to you that you are not being communicative, you could place the same questions back in their space or question or comment. ‘What do you mean?’, ‘Tell me what would you like me to say?’, ‘I suppose answering questions does meet the requirements. What say you?’
When you give yourself the permission to be clear on, ‘what to talk and who to talk’, it is then that you will know and thus be able to assess that what you needed to do for communication you have already done it. Now you need not be answerable to anyone else on this. You will know how to differentiate where you wish to communicate and where you are not interested in communicating, by way of your willingness. Where you see your interest and willingness, do not stop yourself. Your communication naivety has arisen due to you stopping yourself or you having been stopped by others. Because of this even if you don’t need to or you don’t desire to converse you accept the blame of not communicating. Second guessing yourself, ‘maybe I was supposed to say something?’ You could take solace from this important point that the ones who are conversing and who you are admiring as good at conversation are either repeating the question or asking a question that is getting them answers that benefit them. This kind allowing when you do will create an openness that can support you in communicating with closest of the relationship and farthest of the association.
If you are at the stage where communication is at level zero and/or uninitiated. Then none of the above pointers would be ringing a bell. Start from the very beginning. Start the communication with self. Go to the mirror decide on the minimum time that you can spend looking into your eyes and have a conversation with yourself. It could be general greetings to just deciding to breathe with your reflection, while the thoughts flow. Do this regularly. Gradually increase the timing and points to discuss. Listening to the thoughts is the main part of this communication exercise.
While you are developing your communication skills, you could use visualisation, where you create an experience of you having a conversation with a particular person or group.
Set an intention before every conversation as you see fit. Do you want fun, sincere, informative.
Only you can decide. When, whether, how, how much, what and with whom to communicate. There are no barriers neither language nor knowledge. No one is ignoring you. Be present and listen. The information from here will be mutually beneficial to all involved. Don’t feel rejected, start accepting yourself first.
Reena Yadav, IADLife
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