Fear is not of critism from outside, scolding, beating or their impression of you.
The actual fear is of self-abandonment.
How to remove fear and everything that comes with fear from within? How to persuade that what has to done gets done under all conditions? How to remove the thoughts and notion that, on doing this, it might hurt, something might go wrong?
So here it is.
When in fear do it anyway. But please remember to stand by yourself.
Consider you with your little you, a mini you. Suppose you are taking up a task. Consider your mini you is taking up that task. Your ‘mini you’ shares with you ‘I am scared, I am very scared.’ You tell your ‘mini you’, ‘ do it, under all circumstances, I will stand by you, I will not let you down. I am on your side.’ For the smallest of the small task or the large tasks, if the reactions are not pleasant or rewarding then the only qualm you might have is that you did not perform right. Understand this, if due to some circumstance/reason/condition you do not give your optimum performance, become your own guardian and say this to yourself, ‘what you have done today, for me this is enough.’ Do not scold, self-criticize, or self-blame. Of course, you would change and enhance your performance, say it to yourself ‘of course we’ll and we can do better next time.’ Today if you have four steps, you will take eight next time. But to take the next eight steps, the earlier four steps were necessary.
The internal support is the only and ultimate support that you will ever need. Mistake can be according to you or it could be a version of others. Even if there is a mistake you give that support to yourself. ‘It is ok.’
Fear suggests you to hide. It keeps you from exploring. It is limiting. The best way to combat fear or let go fear is by learning the art of ‘customization of the truth.’ Stating the truth is on you, ‘how much and how are you able to tell or do’ and ‘how much is the other party able to take the truth.’
You want to learn swimming. What version of truth will help you achieve your action. How much are you willing to share with others, so that it does not intefer with your plans by attracting discouraging comments and keeps the motivation intact.
Suppose you break a vase, a beautiful crystal glass vase. How urgently do you need to share this information. Would you like to and do you have the willingness to to replace it. Are willing to make amends. Are you willing and ready to admit the part you played.
Know this ‘you are allowed to make mistakes.’ If your mistakes are big, irreparable and/or revealed before you get a chance to discuss, then share what you are ready and/or comfortable sharing. ‘You are also allowed to revisit your version of truth, if you decide to change it.’ Of all the people on this planet you need to convince only one person and that is yourself. Whatever version which is in agreement with your inner self that you can share. If you are certain that the mistake you have made is a big loss either for yourself and/or for your others, then share it with yourself anyway. What comes up in the self-conversation, do that. If that is fearsome, take the step, but stand by yourself. Accept your mistakes first with yourself.
Fear is not because of others. Fear is when there is disconnection with your own-self. You get scared because your mind comprehends that you will leave you. “Fear is not of critism from outside, scolding, beating or their impression of you. The actual fear is that of self abandonment.”
You are your first family. With your support and protection, no one can dare scare you. You can do, be, and have anything, when you are by your side. This is the kind of motivation you need to lead a life that is less limiting.
Apologising will become easy. One of the reasons one finds it difficult to apologise is because of the fear that it puts you at a lesser position as compared to others. Apologizing needs to be initially done to self. This is for putting yourself in that situation or for atracting this life experience.
Strengthen your self-alliance to keep exploring a life that is fear free.
Reena Yadav, IADLife
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