A satisfactory introduction is that which contains information on answers that fill in the blanks about your life.
IADLife Next Chapter: https://itsadeservinglife.wordpress.com/2017/12/29/satisfactory-introduction
What am I most comfortable being addressed as? Is being me enough? What is my introduction?
How do I introduce myself? What do I call myself? What is my identity? Who am I?
Is it in my name or gender? Is it in how I am related to my parents or siblings? Is it in my qualification? Is it in my achievements, personal or professional? Is it known from my profession or position of my job past or present? Is it in my description of my characteristics as attributed by others? Or is it in the outer appearance as noticed by others?
What introduction of mine would suffice?
I am, Reena Yadav, a women/female, daughter, sister, sis-in-law, aunt. Would it be enough to say that I am post-graduate in Microbiology, first rank holder, researcher, was the associate research scientist in fortune 500 pharmaceutical company, am an entrepreneur, a life coach or would more data be required. Of course, these are all true and these are all me.
How much of an introduction is enough? What kind of introduction would be satisfactory?
Introduction varies according to the forum in which the introduction is being done. For the person being introduced, an apt introduction is what is relevant for the audience of that occasion. For a person hearing, however, the satisfactory introduction is what quenches their curiosity. What is being looked for in the introduction is the answer to question that the listener has for his/her own life.
Just as sharing of introductions vary, introductions get added or they change. They could be happy, proud additions, or not so happy changes. Sharing of/about these changes is an individual’s option and it has to be done with their consent.
One such change that got added in my introduction was from the road-traffic accident nearly 20 years ago that resulted in right mid-arm amputation. Since then, amputee, handicapped, disabled, does not have one arm, got added in my introduction. And every time it was mentioned it was done without my permission.
My brother was visiting and I decided to take his help in choosing a car. As soon as we entered the car show-room, I excitedly started looking at the cars. I was happy with the presence of my brother by my side as that was a great support. An attendant moved towards us and offered his help. My brother turned and bent towards him and with no expressions said, ‘this is my big sister and she does not have her right arm.’ I would know of his reason to introduce me this way only if he had discussed with me first. Only thing I remember was that I had lost my enthusiasm but I was around as I had nowhere else to go.
It is hurtful getting trapped into a situation with an introduction that you are not prepared to hear about yourself. To react or to ignore is your choice. When it is sprung suddenly there is no preparedness to make the choice.
After I founded IADLife I gradually had the willingness to meet any person for networking purposes. In one such meeting as soon as I shook hands with my left hand the man I was meeting got fixated in knowing more about me as an amputee. There was a minimal discussion about IADLife. To every person he introduced me he said ‘she is handicapped.’ There was no productive discussion regarding IADLife networking in that meeting. The only action of mine I remember is smiling and in my thoughts I had, never to meet this person again.
Your introduction needs to be based on (a) Why are you being introduced? (b) What is the necessity of being introduced? (c) What are you most comfortable being introduced as?
In parallel, it is a good idea to address the part of the introduction that is painful. On close attention, it will get clear that the feelings attached to that description or part of the introduction, is that what you have been trying to avoid. It is actually this emotion that becomes your introduction. This will be so till you choose to heal it.
For me when my brother introduced my handicap I was yet to accept my change in my life. For me, the pain, hurt, uncertainty, rejections, delays, lack of clarity of what and why of my life, was the meaning of that introduction.
Some introductions are too obvious, based on outer appearances. This depends on the other person’s willingness to notice.
An interesting point is just because I am not looking at myself and because of the phantom’s limb sensation, I don’t remember having the amputation most of the time. It is in my reflection, remembrance/reminding of the past experiences, expressions on people’s faces or their gestures, or direct addressing with a related question, that brings me to the reality that I do have an arm missing.
A senior colleague had just moved in from the US. During the introductory one on one meeting at my workstation, he started his conversation as ‘I see that you have only one hand.’ Believe you me, it was like a jolt. My mind that was preparing what to say and what to know from this scientist was suddenly interrupted my physical reality was brought into my realisation.
For the longest time, I did not know the reason for the frustration whenever I was introduced or addressed like this. Now I understand. I needed to accept myself first. I realised that when I am anything but proud of any part of my introduction, it is me who is abandoning a part of me. I needed to stand by myself and understand what is it that I am not proud of and why.
Along with this, I believe in every forum there has to be the right information about self or a person that needs to be mention. An unrelated introduction is a distraction.
With the increase in my self-acceptance, the importance of the contents of my introduction has started to hold little value. It is because of the comfort level that I have with that part of my introduction.
To be continued ….Next Chapter on my life next week.
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