When you are contributing to someone’s life, stand by them unconditionally, but do not support them blindly.
IADLife Next Chapter: https://itsadeservinglife.wordpress.com/2018/01/09/support-judiciously
When you are contributing to someone’s life. Stand by them unconditionally, but do not support blindly.
Doing anything blindly is not trust or faith. Your actions are considered blindly when you ignore, suppress, dismiss or even deny your better judgments based on feelings, vibrations, energy and information through thoughts, visions, signs, symbols, incidents, and experiences.
Case Study: ‘D’ dad of a ten-year-old boy was in a heated argument with a pensive looking ‘S’ who was the dad of a six-year-old girl. ‘D’ was vehemently blaming the little girl. ‘S’ was relatively talking in lower decibel defending his daughter. Earlier that day, what this six-year-old girl had complained to her mother, sent her into a nervous frenzy. The little girl had told her mother that this ten-year-old boy had asked her to come to a corner behind the cars parked in the building and lift her skirt. Angrily the mother dialed the father and told him what she had heard from their little girl. ‘S’ came back home early. He discussed with his wife and they decided it is best that they confront the family of the boy. Both families resided in the same building, so they had to get over the possible awkwardness that could be the aftermath of this discussion. ‘S’ called ‘D’ and briefly mentioned to him about the situation. ‘D’ was not very reactive over the phone but both decided to meet over the terrace and discuss this matter. The moment ‘D’ met ‘S’, surpassing the greetings he began his conversation defiling the little girl’s credibility. ‘D’ told ‘S’ that his daughter was making up stories, she is a kid so she misunderstood, and that her understanding has yet to develop. ‘S’ maintained that he trusted his daughter. He said, he agrees she is small in age and that is exactly the reason why he knows that she has narrated exactly what she was told and had experienced. ‘S’ even suggested that ‘D’ talk to his son. The intensity with which ‘D’ was attacking the little girl’s information was a clear indication to ‘S’ that this discussion conversation had left its hope for a constructive solution for both the kids and families. Till his last sentence that ‘S’ could say in midst of ‘D’s vociferous outburst, ‘S’ maintained that there has to be truth in what his daughter was saying.
Throughout the conversation ‘D’ did not defend his son. His focus was on offending the other child. What ‘D’ saw as support for his child would not contribute to his son’s life growth or enhancement. ‘S’ on the other hand knowing very well that those were the kid’s versions that they were basing these allegations on, he still stood by his daughter and supported her by deciding to get to the bottom of the whole situation by involving the boy’s family too.
The ten-year-old boy would never know (a) what he needed to change, (b) what he could do differently in future, (c) how to address his curiosity correctly and that, (d) it is quite alright to admit a mistake when he could state the reason for/behind the action. And this was the right support he required.
But, he did not get the support he actually needed. The boy must have by then known he was wrong. What he learned was that he cannot expose or express his mistake and he cannot have him being wrong to reach his father. He learned to shove his mistakes under the wraps and not to own or face it. His learning from his father was to be loud, aggressive and hasty when a matter needs to be finished off where ever rejection is involved. The support the boy got from his father will not help him grow as a person.
When you give support in a right way you receive support too. It is a mutual and two way.
In giving support to his son, ‘D’ could have had the golden opportunity to, (i) establish faith in his son of his support for him no matter what the situation was, (b) he would have known his son’s phase of life, (c) he could have known his son’s curiosities, (d) he could have given direction his ten-year-old boy needed to be guided, (e) established respect for fellow people.
When you get to contribute to lives of a friend, a person close to you, your near and dear ones, or someone you trust, do not blindly rush into providing support. Do stand by the person but support judiciously. Judge, evaluate, assess the situation for which you need to extend your support. Interfere or intervene as per your understanding whenever and wherever the security of self, the person whom you are there for and/or others is in jeopardy. Loyalty is important and you standing by is the evidence of that. Supporting them thoughtlessly is reckless and careless. You might put yourself and others in danger. Even after that, there is no guarantee that you will rescue the person or save your association. Mindless support does not contribute to growth. You might have to take a chance and tell your association like what it is. That requires courage. Customise your information that you wish to share. You standing by without supportive action could suffice. Or you clearly saying that you would like to discuss with your friend/person before you give your opinion or do an action could help both you and your association.
Approach the situation where you let go past impression of the person you are supporting. Also, let go any past obligations that you have to fulfill. When you see or sense that the person needs you then, please be there for the person. But take a minute, understand the situation and support your person accordingly. Sometimes you might have to reprimand, cajole, console, convince, or ask to calm down to show/extend your support to your person.
That is the real support. A support that results in instigating or aggravating a situation is not so in its true definition.
All the above principle applies to you supporting your own self too. Stand by yourself. Do not senselessly support because that seems like a version of self-love or unconditional love. In truth, the true and rightful support is the true and rightful self-love.
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