Author Archives: IAD Life

Approval and Understanding

Approval is what you intend to achieve by convincing. Dispatch of approval is connected to your understanding.

Approval and Understanding.jpg

IADLife Next Chapter: https://itsadeservinglife.wordpress.com/2018/01/21/approval-and-understanding
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Dear Friend!

You don’t need to keep proving yourself. You just need to believe in yourself.

You honestly cannot keep putting in your energy and effort in trying to convince others.

Approval is what you intend to achieve by convincing.

Approval is an important contribution for associating and working in co-operation. It is part of both receiving and accepting. It could be motivating and it could also be limiting, depending on the presence or absence of the approval.

Where there is approval there thrives every motivational aspect that there can be to move forward. Processes are smooth and seamless. Work gets done. Life progresses and prospers. Where approval is lacking or scanty there is stagnation and worry. Everything for which you ask approval for and every other thing that is related to it becomes sluggish and non-creative. Its affects are on the productivity and progress.

Dispatch of approval is connected to your understanding.

Every single person has an understanding which is their own. Even if they have spilled out what might seem to convey their understanding in words, gestures and/or in body language, in actuality their understanding could vary from what you are gathering based on the output. Understanding is a combination of availability of earlier information, your own experience, your interpretation, and your willingness to witness a happening as is, without influence from other factors.

Where there is love and respect the approval flows easily and the expression of understanding sways towards what might promote approval. Where there is doubt, fear and disdain the approval is tainted. Everything is difficult here. Explaining, proving, convincing or even stating your version is not given an easy pass or even a chance. A judgment gets formed, the jury is out and there is no scope for appeal.

In such a state you putting in resources in excess than required may go futile and will not yield the desired result. To have guidance or advice on the outlay of right extent of resources you need to connect with your feelings in you and in your body. If the feelings are low vibrations such as heaviness in the upper back or a lumpy sensation near throat, energy draining, anger, frustration or stress then you need to pause. You need to reassess and reroute your resources.

All the routes must lead to you. You need to convince your own self. They all need to pour into self-assurance. Because of this, you will realise that you don’t need to keep proving yourself. You believe in yourself. So you stand by yourself. You only convince yourself.

You most definitely do present your understanding clearly to yourself and then to whom so ever you wish to share it with. It could be your need to discuss your understanding, it could be your discretion to share, it could be your necessity to keep someone in the loop. It could be because your care or it could because you want to brag. The choice is all yours.

You supporting yourself in expressing the version of the understanding, in deciding the input of resources, and in deciding to whom to share it with, in all constitute you believing in you. This is essentially all you will ever need to do.

Continue with the life action steps that are required. But do it for the respect of what is yours. That is your understanding of whatever you seek approval for. You don’t ever need to defend that. You need to support and be clear on your understanding about it. You just need to trust, be open to new information that can contribute to your understanding of it. You don’t need to turn a blind eye, ignore, guard or shield. If there is something not right, you accept. You do not criticise. That what needs change or enhancements you agree. You focus on the changes or enhancements that are required and take action in that direction.

You extend the same courtesy to that what comes to you for approval. You are willing to know their understanding. If there are anomalies between the understanding you still give approval by respectfully being on the side of your understanding and agree to disagree. If you are presented with new information later and that can change your understanding then, be honest with yourself about it. You can share your change in understanding with others depending on their availability in becoming the part of this changed understanding.

You loyalty, love and respect for your own everything will always suffice.
#approval #understanding #ibelieveinmyself #provingmyself #noneedproving #itsadeservinglife #IADLife #spiritual #healing #counsellor #LifeCoach

Thank You and Best Wishes
Reena Yadav, IADLife
WhatsApp Number: +919886077034
IADLife.com
www.facebook.com/IADLife
Twitter: @IADLife
Instagram: iad_life

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excuse to SUPPORT SYSTEM

Move your Child, Partner, Relatives, Pets, Ideas, Situations and You own self from excuse system to SUPPORT SYSTEM.
excuse to SUPPORT SYSTEM.jpg

IADLife Next Chapter: https://itsadeservinglife.wordpress.com/2018/01/18/excuse-to-support-system
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Dear Friend!
You wait for that what you want to create. The waiting is for the ideal and conducive reason, season and/or environment to do your thing. Maybe what you are waiting for is your quieter, warmer, cooler, harmonious place, right/bright idea, comfortable setting, the right energy, or end of the timeline. The thing you want to do could be work, exercise, nap, meditate, write, read, eat, catch up on your entertainment or a phone call, dance, heal, even to affirm or think.

To commence, take forward, or to finish you wait. If what you are waiting for does not present itself or you have not been able to arrange that then, what would be your next move? Do you make the best of what you have in hand or do you find whys and wherefores of you not being able to do what you want to do? You could choose to include the present arrangement as part of your to-do plan. It is not the matter of the arrangement not being what you are supposing it is about making the best of what you have. Use variations of it.
Can you do that? Or are you too stringent and particular of the accessories, appendages, arrangements, provisions, and preparations?  When these don’t match your desired attributes of the plan, do you postpone or stop and if so then why you do that? Do you know why are you so conscious, aware, bothered or disturbed by the presence of another person or another situation? It is because you are trying to be what you are not. You have created the story in your mind that is saying to you to behave in a certain manner in a certain situation or in front of a certain person. This is reiteration to yourself that you are not ready to explore.

If you want to be as a certain yourself in the presence a certain person, animal, location or situation, then that is your comfort zone. When you need to do something out of your comfort zone do you expect them to change for you? Maybe for you to change or asking others to change is mentally and physically a lot of work. Maybe you don’t think you, it or they can change for you. You, therefore, wait for them to make that space for you in a way they choose.

If your functioning is in association with someone or something else and they or that is not aligning with you, does that become your excuse for not taking the action as you wanted or not at all? Don’t sacrifice or compromise. Motivate, inspire, persuade, encourage and enthuse yourself. Look for alternatives but be committed to doing your bit. Change or alter schedule, timing, step out of your comfort zone, take steps even if it is baby steps. Better still include what does not align as a part and reason for your moving forward. Include them in your daily routine, in your decision making, decision altering, and other activities. And thus, convert them into your support system.

There are going to be situations where you will justify your not taking the action and convince the step as not a necessary one. But if it gives and puts you in guilt it is an excuse.
Sometimes you see the need for the excuses to keep you from doing what you want to do but what you should not do. Maybe what you want to do is not safe. Safety of yours and others are prime.

So pay attention to those excuses. They could also be teaching you or bringing you better or different options. And again they become a part of better support system that motivates and directs you towards something that is life-enhancing and fun.

The excuse system that is toughest and most important consists of you.
‘Am I ready?’, ‘Will this work for me?’, ‘O what so important about me?’ Such doubtful questions where you are invariably looking for external validation are all excuses. Have you tried today or have you allowed the never tried or past experience(s) of yours or others dictate your present step.

Find reasons to do your part this will start to lessen whatever is keeping you from doing your part.   Make yourself as your best part of the support system.
#excusesystem #supportsystem #shiftfromexcusetosupport #deservinglife #IADLife #spiritual #healing #counsellor #LifeCoach

Thank You and Best Wishes
Reena Yadav, IADLife
WhatsApp Number: +919886077034
IADLife.com
www.facebook.com/IADLife
Twitter: @IADLife
Instagram: iad_life

why fall sick

Why fall sick? – Wednesday Why?why fall sick.jpg
IADLife Next Chapter: https://itsadeservinglife.wordpress.com/2018/01/16/why-fall-sick
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Dear Friend!

The physical manifestation of disease with its symptoms surfacing is the sickness. The contributory factors are the thoughts, lifestyle choices and action taken or lack of it.

The physical manifestation of disease takes a long time. It is initially detected at the energy level. Appearance at the physical level happens after the energy levels in the charkas are affected. There is congestion or depression of energy at the chakras.

But why fall sick at all? This is the body’s way of communicating. Your body and various parts of the body, external and internal work in co-operation with each other for the efficient functioning of you. Some functions in your body are voluntary while other functions involuntarily, relentlessly and at its required pace. Change in the way they function can cause adverse situations in the health.

You are an energy being. The flow of energy follows the law of science water seeks its own level. Just as water always finds a way to come to one or same level regardless there is more water in one pipe and less in the other. The only condition is that the pipes have to be connected.

Similarly, as energy beings, you are constantly giving energy to where there is low energy. It could be to a person, animal, thing, thought or an environment. The only condition is that both parties have to be willing and open to exchange the energy. This could be happening knowingly or unknowingly, but the yes in willingness is a must. Once the energy level goes down you need to be mindful of replenishing. The re-energising happens from the place where there is energy in abundance and there is no dearth. That is the Source. You need to, therefore, keep breathing it in. Visualise white high energy light streaming in through your crown chakra. Mediate with either your eyes closed or open. When you ignore or forget to bring up the energy in your body which in turn is responsible for the vibration variation and vice versa, you start the lowering of energies in your chakras. The effect is on the body for the parts that they are responsible for.

Your body is in direct and regular communication with you. Sometimes you are not able to listen because you are too distracted by the noise. The noise is the self-critical, self-hatred, self-lessening self-conversations self-generated or influenced by others. These are low in vibration. You lose energy here. These blocks the energy from Source from entering in you. To raise your energy you need to say self-motivating, self-loving, self-approving, self-accepting, self-respecting conversations. These open the channels for the energy to come rushing in. This raises your energy and vibration. You fall sick because you have not been able to do that.

You want to rest and the only way you can give yourself permission to give heed to your body is because of the surfacing of the symptoms in the form of internal malaise or visible indicators.

Toxins get accumulated in body and mind over a period of time.  Energy healing is cleaning and energizing the chakras. Regular energy healing is highly recommended. Functional training and cardio help in releasing the toxins from the muscles and skin, fasting or ketogenic diet releases the toxins from the digestive and circulatory system, Emotional Freedom Technique/ EFT or tapping also helps in releasing emotional toxins, and Kundalini yoga releases toxins from the respiratory system and other organs.

Stay connected with the Source for guidance and energy. The proof of the Source to be the ultimate high energy and high vibration bank comes from people who have had the NDA that is Near Death Experiences that go to the Source diseased but start to heal exponentially after returning and from very sick people who miraculously start looking and feeling better just before they die. They look better because they are nearing the Source.

There has been scientific published evidence on the advantages of exercises and there are people who have published their achievement of healing themselves with words that are vibration raising and eating organic food, along with releasing low vibrational feelings by pillow beating, acupressure foot massage and/ or kickboxing.

So meditate regularly. Affirm wonderful conversations with yourself about yourself. Exercise regularly. Stay happy.

#whyfallsick #wednesdayswhy #life’swhyanswered #energybeing #chakrahealing #spirituality #toxin releasing #deservinglife #IADLife #affirming #healing #counsellor #LifeCoach

Thank You and Best Wishes
Reena Yadav, IADLife
WhatsApp Number: +919886077034
IADLife.com
www.facebook.com/IADLife
Twitter: @IADLife
Instagram: iad_life

fact perspective opinion

Perspectives are many and are at individual level. FACT is one and common to all. The expression of your understanding using the fact you have accepted is a PERSPECTIVE. Perspective without acceptance or knowledge of the fact is an OPINION. You have a choice to agree or agree to disagree.
fact perspective opinion

IADLife Next Chapter: https://itsadeservinglife.wordpress.com/2018/01/15/fact-perspective-opinion
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Dear Friend!
Two sisters of the same family. They still may not have a similar upbringing. They were possibly exposed to similar experiences, similar behavior or treatment if not exactly the same. What they chose to see and imbibe was based on their individual life experiences which is a combination of observation, understanding and a reaction or response to that.

Even when two people go to a restaurant and order the same dish from the menu, cooked by the same chef in the same sitting. They may like or dislike it. Even if both like it, there is a great possibility they will like it for their own reasons.

The two sisters had a salaried dad earning by working on weekdays for someone else and a homemaker as a mom who did all the household chores, she took care of all the arrangements but was not taking any direct responsibilities. The actual responsibility was of the dad.

One sister determined an understanding that the household to-do lists is the female of the house’s resident profile. While the other sister was clear that it can be delegated to a manager and she need not be directly involved but was clear that it needs to be done right and to her satisfaction.

Now, on what basis did they develop and decide their respective viewpoints that they were so convinced to follow. The first sister did well in studies, was a rank holder and won awards in extra-curricular activities like essay writing. The second one never passed all the subjects and only time she got a gift on the sports day when she paid for it. Neither were given training by their mom for kitchen work or knitting. Their mom had told them in clear words that she wanted them to study. Truth is the mom’s mom did not teach her and so she was a self-learned cook. The first one took up cooking every time their parents stepped out for social reasons. All the siblings at home ate the food she cooked even if it was no were close to their mom’s cooking. But other than that she took no other responsibility of the house and would get angry when the responsibility of teaching the siblings was thrust on her by the father. The second one was willing to do all the other household work including cleaning the toilets, running errands and all that she thought she could do. She did not cook unless it came upon to arrange food for herself. Of the two sisters, one had formed an understanding, that was directing her to all that her mom did. The other sister was doing all that her dad did. Both did not completely follow mom or dad. How could they, they were different individuals than their mom and dad. Both decided to form their rules basing on what they saw. Each molded their own perspective. Neither had access or knowledge of the fact.

Perspectives are many and at the individual level.
Fact is one and common for all.
In an event when the knowledge of the fact is missing, perspectives arise.
You have a choice to agree or agree to disagree.

For the sisters what could be the fact here? It could be their survival individually in a way that is better than what they were living, by doing what they were best at doing. Every time the roles were reversed they were miserable, made mistakes and they struggled.

Finding and accepting the fact, now that is another ball-game. It completely depends on what is your extent of research and knowledge and belief and trust. What you make out of all this is YOUR fact. In truth, the fact is common to all and they are usually very simple. The expression of your understanding using the fact you have accepted is a perspective. But, the people on the planet are too varied and therefore the willingness to accept a fact as fact also varies. The variation that there is, is of opinion, not the fact. Perspective without acceptance or knowledge of the fact is an opinion. Opinions are important as that shows that your mind, your brain, your vocal system is functioning. You could be grateful for that.

With knowledge of the fact, you develop and express your perspective. With sharing and using of perspective comes responsibility. With opinion, there is no such thing.

So if you are keen to know the fact then, the only way to get to it is by having the resources of time, money, willingness and energy to put in to know it. Which again will extend to your investment of your resources.
Be willing to change and grow with knowledge. Then,  the acceptance of change in your knowledge of the fact is key to easy, smooth and fast growth.

#perspectives #opinions #fact #deservinglife #IADLife #spiritual #healing #counsellor #LifeCoach

Thank You and Best Wishes
Reena Yadav, IADLife
WhatsApp Number: +919886077034
IADLife.com
www.facebook.com/IADLife
Twitter: @IADLife
Instagram: iad_life

Q & A alignment

Universe aligns the right people. Ones who have a question always find or attract the ones who have the answer and vice versa.
Q & A alignment

IADLife Next Chapter: https://itsadeservinglife.wordpress.com/2018/01/11/q-a-alignment
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Dear Friend!

Universe aligns the right people. Ones who have a question always find or attract the ones who have the answer and vice versa.

Have you ever noted that the questions that consecutively or suddenly arise in you due to your life experiences or observations echo in someone’s space that you judiciously decide or happen to meet? It could be the person in direct conversation with you or you hear from somewhere, it could be another person or an audio/visual.

Case Study: ‘M’ was at a farmer’s market. She sat down to buy and eat from one of the stalls and she got into a conversation with the lady seated next to her, ‘C’.  ‘M’ was telling ‘C’ in between the bites about her sneezing problems. ‘C’ said she had read about it and asked her if she has pigeons in her area. ‘M’ shook her head in affirmative. ‘C’ said that ‘M’ will need to call bird control as the particles from the bird’s droppings when inhaled cause respiratory problems. ‘C’ also shared that she had information about the people ‘M’ will need to call. She also suggested to ‘M’ to wear surgical masks till she could get the situation under control. She had read all the information from the same article.

Case Study: ’G’ after having lost her father came back to work on the 5th day as she needed the money for the new bills that had suddenly come up due to the funeral arrangements. ‘G’ was working as a waitress in a café that served brunch too. She was sad, she took breaks, found a quiet corner, sob, collected herself and get back to her duties. The manager was a kind man and he let her do the job as she could. He asked another colleague of hers to keep an eye on her and support her with the customers. ‘G’ was doing the job properly and so customers did not seem to notice any difference in service. Then something caught everyone’s attention. Everyone in the restaurant distinctly remembers that incident. A couple came in at around 12.30pm. They were new customers. The lady really stood out. She was in a bright yellow long dress with a slit on the left side and low back. Her hair was long and white. ‘G’ was standing closest to them and she just came back after one of her sobbing breaks and saw them unattended so ‘G’ went to attend to them. The lady was looking at the menu and she suddenly looked at ‘G’, her eyes welled up. She stood up and gently placed her hands on ‘G’s. ‘G’ was holding a paper and pen and was about to write their order. ‘G’ did not know what to make of this. The lady said, “he does not want to see you cry, he says doesn’t worry all will be taken care of, he has made arrangements.” ‘G’ with a frown on her face asked, “who?” The lady replied, “your pops honey.” ‘G’ used to call her father pops. The lady was a medium psychic and was in the area for a meeting. She and her husband decided to visit this nearby café for a late breakfast. She was requested by ‘G’s dear recently departed father to give the message when she visited the cafe. And she did.

So next time you hear someone jabbering away to you or near you, do not turn a deaf ear. There could be a message for you or you could have some information for them. Also, do not hesitate to share in case you remember or realise that you have some information relevant to the other person/people. Messages or answers sometimes come as a dream and sometimes as intuition. Messages or answers could come from something similar that has or is happening in your space or you get info from someone you know.

If you have not seen this before or much then that is because people hesitate. They are not sure. They are formal. They are not friendly. They just don’t care. You or the other person gets the message or answer because you are the right person for the job. You need to know that Universe is also making this alignment for the contribution that each one involved has to make maybe for a short span or in long term. The contribution is right away or it could be significant for future. Even the behaviors and interactions constitute as messages or answers. If the person is being harsh, then deal with the situation as best as you can but, remember to review to understand your learning there. If the messages or answers come in a loving manner then do not get swayed. In either way do not avoid, dismiss, ignore or dilute them. Listen to them and decipher them.

We are all connected by energy network. One that is a willing contributor gets this opportunity to share by receiving or giving messages or answers. The messages or answers do not transfer sometimes because the willingness changes into unwillingness mainly because of fear of rejection. You may decide not to give the information or you may refuse to accept the answer. It is most certainly a choice. Your safety is prime. If you feel safe maybe you could find a way to give or receive the message or answer and then see the interesting chain of events that this message or answer may be responsible for.

 

#UniverseAligns #questionsanswered #answerstoquestion #questionansweralignment #Q&Aalignment #deservinglife #IADLife #spiritual #healing #counsellor #LifeCoach

Thank You and Best Wishes
Reena Yadav, IADLife
WhatsApp Number: +919886077034
IADLife.com
www.facebook.com/IADLife
Twitter: @IADLife
Instagram: iad_life

why do people revisit

Why do people come back in your space? – Wednesday Why?

why people revisit.jpg

IADLife Next Chapter: https://itsadeservinglife.wordpress.com/2018/01/10/why-do-people-revisit
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Dear Friend!

In this journey called life, some will walk with you. Some change paths. Some rejoin or revisit your path. But why do they revisit? The one or ones that you have been praying for and wishing for when they come back in your space it is your desire manifestation. It gives a new level of confidence and approval knowing that you are at the vibrational alignment with your desires and that the whole Universe has been working on your behalf to bring it true. O what a joy.

Now, what do you understand of the person/people you have left or have left on their own. You let go of them and have gotten comfortable with their leaving, their existence has little or no significance as per your understanding. And they suddenly pop back in your life. These are the ones whose coming back does not bring a smile on your face but gives a non-reactive expression which is symbolic of many more questions that you now have for the Universe. Most urgent of them is, why this person?

What do you make out of that? What message are they bringing to you? Are these second chances to resolve the unresolved or are they bearer of good news?

Case Study: One evening ‘W’ was walking in a very crowded lane of an arts and crafts exhibition that was recommended by her art teacher. As she was finding her way from one stall to another she noticed a man in a wheelchair pushed by another man coming her way. She hoped to the side and the wheel just missed her right feet. Just then she heard her name being called out from the direction in which she was walking. As a couple of people parted to give way for her to see who was calling out her name. It was her neighbour from the place where she used to reside nearly a decade ago. The moment her neighbor came close to her the neighbor started to talk her. “You look good, how is your mother.” ‘W’ was finding a reaction and when she could not get any she muttered back, “thank you, you…you look good too.” After that, for next few minutes, it was her neighbor who was continuously talking. She spoke about her life, asking questions and answering herself based on ‘W’s expressions. After the neighbor left the scene, ‘W’ started walking forward, still trying to understand the why of this chance meeting. A crowd where half of the city seemed to be present ‘W’ met her. There were people whom ‘W’ would have wanted to meet but she met her. While coming back home she tried to understand the reason for her meeting this person by recalling the conversations and her own feelings. ‘W’ noted that even though the questions were regarding her personal life she was calm and she was confident about her life, even though she did not get a chance to say much. ‘W’ had been having these re-entrances for some time. Earlier that day ‘W’ received a call from the web designer who had originally developed the company website but was not in touch for about a year. He suggested the new website look and also sent the new trial link he had made for the new webpage. Two days before this, she had a family friend from yesteryears call her. ‘W’ remembered having endearment towards this person. She had a pleasant short conversation with her. The highlight of the conversation was where this person insisted that she will help ‘W’ remember her yesteryears.

What were these revisits telling her?

‘W’ was writing a book on her life experiences and her intention that she set was that it reaches billions of people all over the planet. People were coming to help her remember her own past that she needed as data for her writing and the new website proposal was to showcase this at the international level.

There are two important aspects to people revisiting. The first aspect is that both parties, that is you and the other person/people have to be willing. The willingness plays a very important part. The second aspect is that the person/people re-visiting have to be at the vibrational alignment with your vibrations at that point.

The person might not stay long, but their guest appearance is enough to trigger the chain of thoughts that could bring to light the learning of an unresolved issue from the past and/or the message for the future.

So let people who go, let them leave and receive people who revisit. Do both with love and respect.

Do this with the confidence that the right entities will always be in your space so you will never have to wait or wonder.

#whydopeoplerevisit #comingback #messenger #vibrationalalignment #willingness #spirituality #deservinglife #IADLife #affirming #healing #counsellor #LifeCoach

Thank You and Best Wishes
Reena Yadav, IADLife
WhatsApp Number: +919886077034
IADLife.com
www.facebook.com/IADLife
Twitter: @IADLife
Instagram: iad_life

support judiciously

When you are contributing to someone’s life, stand by them unconditionally, but do not support them blindly.
support judiciously.jpg

IADLife Next Chapter: https://itsadeservinglife.wordpress.com/2018/01/09/support-judiciously
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Dear Friend!
When you are contributing to someone’s life. Stand by them unconditionally, but do not support blindly.

Doing anything blindly is not trust or faith. Your actions are considered blindly when you ignore, suppress, dismiss or even deny your better judgments based on feelings, vibrations, energy and information through thoughts, visions, signs, symbols, incidents, and experiences.

Case Study: ‘D’ dad of a ten-year-old boy was in a heated argument with a pensive looking ‘S’ who was the dad of a six-year-old girl. ‘D’ was vehemently blaming the little girl. ‘S’ was relatively talking in lower decibel defending his daughter. Earlier that day, what this six-year-old girl had complained to her mother, sent her into a nervous frenzy. The little girl had told her mother that this ten-year-old boy had asked her to come to a corner behind the cars parked in the building and lift her skirt. Angrily the mother dialed the father and told him what she had heard from their little girl. ‘S’ came back home early. He discussed with his wife and they decided it is best that they confront the family of the boy. Both families resided in the same building, so they had to get over the possible awkwardness that could be the aftermath of this discussion. ‘S’ called ‘D’ and briefly mentioned to him about the situation. ‘D’ was not very reactive over the phone but both decided to meet over the terrace and discuss this matter. The moment ‘D’ met ‘S’, surpassing the greetings he began his conversation defiling the little girl’s credibility. ‘D’ told ‘S’ that his daughter was making up stories, she is a kid so she misunderstood, and that her understanding has yet to develop. ‘S’ maintained that he trusted his daughter. He said, he agrees she is small in age and that is exactly the reason why he knows that she has narrated exactly what she was told and had experienced. ‘S’ even suggested that ‘D’ talk to his son. The intensity with which ‘D’ was attacking the little girl’s information was a clear indication to ‘S’ that this discussion conversation had left its hope for a constructive solution for both the kids and families. Till his last sentence that ‘S’ could say in midst of ‘D’s vociferous outburst, ‘S’ maintained that there has to be truth in what his daughter was saying.

Throughout the conversation ‘D’ did not defend his son. His focus was on offending the other child. What ‘D’ saw as support for his child would not contribute to his son’s life growth or enhancement. ‘S’ on the other hand knowing very well that those were the kid’s versions that they were basing these allegations on, he still stood by his daughter and supported her by deciding to get to the bottom of the whole situation by involving the boy’s family too.

The ten-year-old boy would never know (a) what he needed to change, (b) what he could do differently in future, (c) how to address his curiosity correctly and that, (d) it is quite alright to admit a mistake when he could state the reason for/behind the action. And this was the right support he required.

But, he did not get the support he actually needed. The boy must have by then known he was wrong. What he learned was that he cannot expose or express his mistake and he cannot have him being wrong to reach his father. He learned to shove his mistakes under the wraps and not to own or face it. His learning from his father was to be loud, aggressive and hasty when a matter needs to be finished off where ever rejection is involved. The support the boy got from his father will not help him grow as a person.

When you give support in a right way you receive support too. It is a mutual and two way.

In giving support to his son, ‘D’ could have had the golden opportunity to, (i) establish faith in his son of his support for him no matter what the situation was, (b) he would have known his son’s phase of life, (c) he could have known his son’s curiosities, (d) he could have given direction his ten-year-old boy needed to be guided, (e) established respect for fellow people.

When you get to contribute to lives of a friend, a person close to you, your near and dear ones, or someone you trust, do not blindly rush into providing support. Do stand by the person but support judiciously. Judge, evaluate, assess the situation for which you need to extend your support. Interfere or intervene as per your understanding whenever and wherever the security of self, the person whom you are there for and/or others is in jeopardy. Loyalty is important and you standing by is the evidence of that. Supporting them thoughtlessly is reckless and careless. You might put yourself and others in danger. Even after that, there is no guarantee that you will rescue the person or save your association. Mindless support does not contribute to growth. You might have to take a chance and tell your association like what it is. That requires courage. Customise your information that you wish to share. You standing by without supportive action could suffice. Or you clearly saying that you would like to discuss with your friend/person before you give your opinion or do an action could help both you and your association.

Approach the situation where you let go past impression of the person you are supporting. Also, let go any past obligations that you have to fulfill. When you see or sense that the person needs you then, please be there for the person. But take a minute, understand the situation and support your person accordingly. Sometimes you might have to reprimand, cajole, console, convince, or ask to calm down to show/extend your support to your person.

That is the real support. A support that results in instigating or aggravating a situation is not so in its true definition.

All the above principle applies to you supporting your own self too. Stand by yourself. Do not senselessly support because that seems like a version of self-love or unconditional love. In truth, the true and rightful support is the true and rightful self-love.

#contributing #unconditionalsupport #standby #support #deservinglife #IADLife #affirming #healing #counsellor #LifeCoach

Thank You and Best Wishes
Reena Yadav, IADLife
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